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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in
The Heartbreak Kid's InsaneJournal:
| Tuesday, October 1st, 2019 | |
| 11:21 pm |  TEXTS | VOICEMAIL | POST-IT NOTES | HATE MAIL | UNANSWERED MARRIAGE PROPOSALS |
| Tuesday, March 12th, 2019 | |
| 2:59 pm | profile.  ( The Late Great Patrick Chalker, Esquire ) mun: Tara AIM: JinxyCatastrophe |
| Sunday, August 28th, 2011 | |
| 12:20 pm | ( Chalkers, namely Bryan and Bill ) Current Mood:  pissed offCurrent Music: Runnin' Up That Hill || Placebo |
| Tuesday, August 23rd, 2011 | |
| 5:23 pm | Oh god. This housesitting adventure is kind of a zoo. Me, Cat, Curly, plus Alex & Seth's two dogs, and Caleb's dog? I've heard rumors that there's a cat that lives here, too, but I have yet to see it. The food I set out keeps getting eaten, and not by the dogs, so I take that as a good sign. Really, though. It's a circus around here. Good thing about it is, though, that Curly is playing well with all the other pups. He already knows Cotton and Daisy (who I still can't tell apart -- sorry, Al), and he seems to like Zeke, even though Zeke is bigger than him and can fit Curly's entire head in his mouth. Jeez, you should have seen that. It was pretty hilarious, except for when the pup came running over to me afterward with an entirely slobberiffic head. Bleh. I got a crazy, crazy idea. I want to join a bowling league this year. I saw that there's a mixed doubles league (that's four players per team, two men and two women) that plays on Sunday nights every other week, or a men's league, which has space for teams of five guys, that plays every Tuesday. Anybody interested in signing up with me? I mean, it'd be awesome sauce extraordinaire. Plus, a great excuse to hang out and drink beer in public. C'mon, somebody's gotta bite. Cat? Scott? Jack? Seth? Siblings of mine? Somebody? Current Mood:  excitedCurrent Music: Used To Be Bad || Paul McCartney feat. Steve Miller |
| Monday, May 30th, 2011 | |
| 1:44 pm | In order to clear up a few things: ♦ Yeah, I got arrested. My only crime was being too much of a fan of our very own Heritage Hellions. You girls are amazing. Every last one of you. You may not win your games, but damn if you don't look good doing it. ♦ My mother thinks I'm in some kind of downward spiral. She and my dad are ganging up on me and Cat. Apparently, according to my parents and hers, we're not good for each other. Apparently we're only dragging each other down. I don't see it. Does anyone else? Really, I want honest opinions here. Criticism from my parents isn't always heard in the same way that it might be if I heard it from someone else. Does anyone else think I'm a worthless, irresponsible asshole? I feel like I'm a good boss, and even though I live in a trailer, which some might see as an undesirable living situation, I own that trailer, and I pay all of my bills on time. I'm a good friend, a good brother, and a damned good boyfriend. Why isn't that good enough? They can't stop us from seeing each other, but they've been putting a lot of pressure on her to move out. As in, out of our home and back in with them. Complete and total bullshit. Just when I start to feel like things are really coming together, something else has to fall apart. Why is it that even though I consider myself to be an adult, I always feel like a little kid when I do something that upsets my parents? I can claim that I'm grown up and that I don't care, but I do. I hate feeling like the fuck-up, the idiot, the stupid one. I hate feeling like my family has the power to cut me down to the point where I'm too numb to feel anything. It's always the people that are closest to you that have the power to hurt you the most. I can be the most confident man in the world until someone I care about gives me reason to doubt myself. |
| Thursday, January 20th, 2011 | |
| 1:54 pm |  My dog might be slightly retarded Okay, seriously guys, you'll have to bear with me on this one, because I've never had a dog in my life, and I'm still trying to figure out how it should behave... but really, there were just certain things about a dog that I thought they just... knew. Example: walking on a leash. Curly, for the life of him, can not figure out the leash. He doesn't know it means we're about to go somewhere. He doesn't know how to walk on it. Like. He keeps forgetting that he's attached to this rope thing. He gets really excited when we set him back on the ground, and he runs and runs and runs until he hits the end of the line and then he flips over. Then he does it again. Eventually, he gets distracted by stuff that smells good or something that looks tasty to eat, but I swear, he looks like an idiot. I'm used to people looking at me like I'm retarded, but it's made even worse by the fact that it looks like I'm the guy whose dog can't walk on a leash. And he wants to eat his own shit, which... I've gotta say, I can not see the appeal in that at all. |
| Wednesday, January 5th, 2011 | |
| 4:28 pm | Well. So. The holidays are over. But are they really over? Why do we call the whole month of December the holidays when there are lots and lots and lots of holidays throughout the whole year? I mean, who can forget about Talk Like A Pirate Day (September 19th)? What about Waffle Iron Day (June 29th)? How about Do A Grouch A Favor Day (February 16th)? Sure, Christmas and Patmas are some of the best holidays around, but that's no excuse to short-change the other ones. My sister gave me a dog for Patmas. I don't know why she gave me a dog, but she did. I guess this puppy was dumped somewhere and abandoned, and I don't know why she thought I'd be a good dog owner, but the thing just has this face... this little dog face. I named him Curly, after my favorite of the Three Stooges. For all the cool little puppy things he does, he also does an awful lot of peeing, pooping, and barfing. Ugh. I have no idea what I'm doing. At least he's stopped crying when we put him in the crate at night. |
| Tuesday, December 21st, 2010 | |
| 2:55 pm | For those of you who are new at this game, let me 'splain something to you. 1. My birthday is on Christmas Eve. Yes, I know this. I know that Christmas is a friggin' major holiday and deserves to be celebrated, but SO IS MY BIRTHDAY. They are both important events, and thus, both deserve equal celebration. I mean, you don't half-assedly celebrate Lil Baby Jesus's birthday, so you better not half-assedly celebrate Patrick Chalker's birthday either. 2. This means no joint birthday presents. Seriously. So, if you're going to get me gifts, get me a birthday present and a Christmas present, or neither. And I love stuff, so getting a whole lot of nothing would be a pretty big letdown. I didn't choose when to be born, it just happened. Don't make me suffer just because my parents decided to boink in March. 3. Gag gifts are totally accepted/encouraged. 4. If you happen to be lucky enough to be my girlfriend, sexual favors will also be accepted/encouraged as a gift. For one or the other, but not both occasions. This has been a public service announcement. Please resume your regularly scheduled programming. Thank you and goodnight. |
| Thursday, October 21st, 2010 | |
| 9:07 am | I just had the best Halloween costume idea ever while I was in the shower. ...why it happened in the shower, don't ask. I don't know. But that's not the point. You know that part in Iron Man 2 when Tony Stark is completely trashed & drunk off his ass, but he's still wearing the Iron Man suit? I'm going to be Drunk Iron Man. A whole costume, except the head/mask. I'll get some dopey fake Tony Stark facial hair (or try to grow it before Halloween? Maybe that's doable? I don't know) and walk around with a drink in my hand. Constantly. I want to know what everyone else is going as... and if there are any good parties happening. Because otherwise I'm just going to have to walk around town terrorizing pedestrians. |
| Friday, September 10th, 2010 | |
| 2:01 pm | Am I a jackass because I say what's on my mind? Am I pussy because I get my feelings hurt, and I can admit that I'm upset? Am I an asshole because I'll argue something into the ground because I don't feel like I'm understood? Am I glad that Alex is married? Sure, if it's gonna make her happy. Why is it such a big deal that I wanted her to tell me personally that the thing was happening? No. I'm honest and straightforward. I don't sugar-coat shit, because I don't see the point. I've never done that. I'm pretty sure that those are all traits that come from being a goddamned Chalker. We're all like that, and we're all either going to eat each other alive, or burn this town to the ground. |
| Monday, September 6th, 2010 | |
| 2:52 am | So, Cat moved in with me. Her parents sold the motel and it just seemed like the obvious choice. I mean, she was pretty much staying over at my place all the time anyway. She kept stuff over here, too. So far, it hasn't been much different. I think it's actually been kind of awesome. Don't act so surprised, all of you people. ( Friends Only (No Chalkers Allowed) ) |
| Sunday, May 9th, 2010 | |
| 12:27 pm | I'm really glad I wrote myself that post-it note to make those dinner reservations, because a party of twelve is sort of hard to house at most normal restaurants. Mom's favorite Italian place, Enzo's? It's always packed on Mother's Day. Our family is big enough as it is, but adding in assorted significant others, spawn, and probably stray puppies and kittens off the side of the street? The Chalker party is looking to be a pretty big undertaking. There's Mom, Dad, Bill, Elyse, Bry, Danny, Neah, Al, Seth, Cat, and me. I made the reservation for twelve just to keep things even. Why is it that we only really look like the huge-gantic herd that we are when we go out into public? Maybe it's because I'm just used to the sight of Mom & Dad's living room being so damned crowded and packed full of people. I tried to talk Mom into letting us all take her to see Iron Man 2 for her birthday, but she wasn't having it. She suggested going to see that Babies movie instead -- I don't know if she was being serious, or just messing with me. Either way, I don't think so. I think we'll stick to the wine and breadsticks. Mother's Day is not an occasion to get drunk, right? Someone tell me that it's a bad idea. |
| Thursday, April 1st, 2010 | |
| 8:49 pm |  This beloved figure has been spotted roaming the streets of Heritage, Oregon. The last confirmed sighting was on Saturday, March 27th buying cookies from a store on Main Street, but there have been several possible sightings since. He may be roaming around on the loose, dispensing helpful advice and telling fascinating anecdotes that magically solve everyone's problems in a half an hour. If you see him, please call Patrick Chalker at (541)555-1230 |
| Thursday, March 18th, 2010 | |
| 8:35 pm | Best thing about St. Patrick's Day? Convincing drunk tourists that the holiday was named after me. That's right, boys and girls, I am St. Patrick. A many great thank you to any and all of you who decided to show your patronage to the saintliest of Irish saints by buying St. Patrick a drink last night. Snake charming not included. Worst thing about St. Patrick's Day? The post-holiday hangover. Jesus Margaret Babylegs Christ. They should make it law that the thing should have to fall on a weekend. I woke up this morning on my bedroom floor in the crack between my bed and the wall with a pair of Kiss Me, I'm Irish boxers that I don't remember owning pulled on over my jeans. My truck? I'm still not sure where my truck is, but it's a small town. It's got to be around here somewhere. I just hope it's not in the damned lake or something. Though really, I have to commend Taylor's performance. She did an excellent job womanning the shop while I was... well, while I wasn't there. As far as I know, the place is still standing, so it couldn't have gotten burned to the ground or anything. Current Mood:  hungooooooverCurrent Music: The Rocky Road To Dublin || Dropkick Murphys |
| Tuesday, March 9th, 2010 | |
| 10:12 am | I don't even know if it's possible, but I swear I saw a moose out my window last night. Are there even mooses (mooses? moose? meese?) in Oregon? I was folding laundry in my living room and saw a shadow. I thought that someone had walked past the lamp post out front, and they kept going back and forth, making weird shadows on my curtains, so I looked. Whatever the hell it was, it was giant and huge. If I thought it was more likely, I'd say it was a damned dinosaur out my window. But, like I said. It was dark and I didn't get a good look at it. But it could have been a freaking moose. After a brief archaeological dig underneath my couch, I discovered some long-lost treasures: a five-dollar bill, my old watch (the one that I lost and couldn't find so I had to buy a new one. Damn it), a pair of tiny flip-flops that I think probably belong to Al (you should see how big my feet are compared to these things. It's hilarious), and a pencil that changes color when you hold onto it. It's heat-activated I guess? So it starts out blue but when you hold onto it, it turns orange. It's the coolest thing ever. I may have been playing with it all night long. It reminds me of those Hot Wheels cars you could drive through cold water and they'd turn colors. Is it stupid that I'm annoyed that my brother's getting married, simply because I don't want to have to get fitted for a tux? |
| Tuesday, January 19th, 2010 | |
| 12:08 pm | In other news, WHY DID IT TAKE ME SO LONG TO SEE 'THE HANGOVER?' I realize that there was no previous news before this other news, but it's immensely important. I really need to know, because it may be the funniest movie I've seen since watching Alex's high school graduation on tape. I'm sick of people complaining about how cold it is here. I don't like the cold, either, but I'm glad that we have it. I'm glad we live in a place that has seasons. My cousin Mark lives in Arizona, and while it's warmish there, it's all deserty and they don't have seasons. It's either hot or cold, like a Katy Perry song. But seriously? They don't have trees that lose leaves in the fall. They don't have rain in the spring time. It's sweltering by April and doesn't quit until October. That's disgusting! You just gotta suck it up come winter time, man. Find something else to talk about besides the weather and fill the floor of your trailer with sand, crank up the heat, and walk around in swim trunks like it's a day at the beach. |
| Friday, January 8th, 2010 | |
| 12:00 pm | Check out THIS LIST of celebrity outdoorsmen, and part two HERE Famous people like to hunt and fish, too! The lists are mostly famous athletes, but there are a few surprises. I bet that Jewel has taken down a moose when she's not writing sappy guitar songs. Bahaha. Even Avril Lavigne and Tiger Woods like to fish. How about this? Here's a quote: She's young, she's hot and she's atop P.E.T.A.'s target list- We, therefore, love Eva Longoria-Parker. "I can skin a deer and a pig and a snake- and rabbits." If there is a more perfect woman, someone please tell us- like, now! Holy cow! Man, I like fishing as much as the next guy, but I can't get into ice fishing. The bundling up, those little heat pads you put into your gloves and boots, the cleats to attach to the bottoms of your boots to walk on the ice... the ever popular pop-up shanties that they're selling at The Great Outdoors now... it's all crazy. Don't get me wrong, I'll still sell the bait and stuff to those guys, but you'll be hard pressed to get me out on the ice myself. I'm actually pretty surprised with how steadily the bookings have been coming for the spring season already. Business is slow this time of year. It always is. But that just means we get to have more fun at work. Have any of you guys seen Clerks? You know how they play roller hockey on the roof? I almost wonder if we could do that on our roof, so that technically we'd still be 'at work' and we could stay open, but we'd have something to do while there are zero customers in the store. ( Private to Alex ) Current Mood:  weirdCurrent Music: Don't Let Me Down || The Beatles |
| Monday, December 7th, 2009 | |
| 6:53 am | ( Blocked from Females ) Forecast is calling for snow. Soon, it'll be Winter Fest time and after that, icefishing season. As much as I tend to hate tourists (aside from the business they give me), I'm looking forward to the festival. What could be better than getting drunk off of your ass while you're freezing in the street? TO THE SMOOTH SOUNDS OF A LIVE BAND, NONETHELESS! That sounded like something a homeless person might say. Hrm. Oh, by the way... I actually put Christmas lights up on the trailer this year -- did anyone notice? But don't hold your breath -- I'm still not getting a tree. I refuse to get anything other than a real tree, and if you've seen the inside of my mobile palace, you'd understand that it would NOT be friends with a bunch of shedding needles. I don't need to burn the place down for Christmas. Current Mood: weirdCurrent Music: Days Go By || Dirty Vegas |
| Saturday, November 28th, 2009 | |
| 1:51 am | Thanksgiving... where to begin? Actually, I don't think I'm even going to start with it. I'm just going to take my share of the leftovers, go back to my trailer, and ignore my family until Christmas. Family holidays are just full of too much drama for my tastes, anyway. My neice is pretty damned cool, though. She's just like a little female version of Bill. I like her better than most of my siblings combined. |
| Friday, November 13th, 2009 | |
| 10:31 pm | My dad's been talking to my brothers, trying to nail down plans for Thanksgiving. Ever since they left town, it's been getting harder to get them back for holidays. Ever since Bill got married, he spends a lot of those holidays with Sandy's family. Bryan is a lawyer in Seattle, and even when he comes to town he spends the whole time either on his phone, or complaining at how bad the cell phone reception is. Danny will be home. He said so to Mom last weekend, I guess. Sure, stuff gets in the way. But family is still pretty important in my book. But whatever. It's not like I'm going to go grab them from wherever they are and drag them back home kicking and screaming. They're grown-ups. It's their call. Besides, if they don't come, there will be more of my mom's cheesy broccoli casserole and Dad's mesquite smoked turkey for me. Not to mention the stuffing, which I'm going to try to make. It'll either be a total disaster, or it'll be the best damned Thanksgiving ever. |
